Never Alone
by Red Amnesia
Summary: I rested my forehead against his and slowly brought the gun up to his temples. There was no need for words now, and yet... I love you, I breathed against his lips.


Disclaimer & A.N.: I do not own Gundam Wing, nor am I profiting from this story in any respect or fashion.   
This story contains what I deem Ultimate Angst, meaning there will be no happy ending here and yes, there is death. Please do not read this story if the thought of death upsets you. And please note, that while the POV character used is never directly mentioned, that Yaoi is implied. Therefore do not read this if that also upsets you. Thank you.  
  
  
**Never Alone  
**by PkmnGirlQT  
+++  
  
I'm scared.  
  
I nodded my head, though he wasn't looking at me. I didn't trust my voice enough to answer him. Besides, there was nothing I could say, was there?  
  
I... I'm really scared, he raised his head and for the first time in a long while I was able to look directly into his eyes. His beautiful blue irises were clouded with pain, uncertainty, and most definitely fear. The fear easily overrode all other emotions warring in his face, but I had a feeling that wasn't the true source of his pain. The fear was so very distinct; it was the defeat that was being hidden away.  
  
He seemed to realized what I was thinking, for suddenly his face dropped back into a propped hand. Thin fingers raked through golden hair as he let out a weary sigh and in a quiet voice, as though even I weren't suppose to hear, he said, I don't think this is something I can survive.  
  
Quatre, no... The words were gone, but it did not matter anyway. I could feel it, the unspoken thoughts, coming from him. This was not an impulsive decision. This was something that had been thought through long and hard and no other choice was within grasp. And there was nothing I could do for him. No matter how much my soul would bleed for it to be otherwise.  
  
Slowly, he looked up again. Dark circles under red rimmed eyes; with a start I realized this was the first time since the beginning of this mess I had seen him cry. Instinctively, my hand shot forward to comfort him.  
  
A small smile crossed his downtrodden face and he raised his own hand to the glass barrier that separated us. God, what I wouldn't give to be able to reach through and pull him close. To hold his head next to mine and run my hands over his back as I dropped kisses in his bleached locks one more time.  
  
He smiled then. A small, but true smile. And even before the words left his mouth I felt my heart shatter into a million pieces.  
  
I don't think, I know. There's no way I can do this. I understand I have to atone, but... I'd rather die than this. This isn't atonement, this is torture. His eyes were becoming misted and yet they were as clear as the ocean. Vaguely I wondered if the sea itself could ever match such a beautiful shade of sorrow. I'm scared. And alone. So very alone. The sea in his eyes overflowed; thin crystal rivulets escaped over pale, smooth cheeks, only to meet their end as they were furiously scrubbed away.  
  
I gripped the phone in my hand tightly--it was either that or I was sure I would begin beating the glass between us--and spoke the most reassuring words I could think of in such a frenzied state. I'm not sure if he ever heard them. Right then a shrill buzzing went off and a speaker informed us that our time was over. I wanted to stay; there was no way I could leave him like this. But it was not my choice to make, as a security guard came to escort him out. I don't think he even noticed this, for his tears had become many and he was so lost in his own mental struggles.   
  
Only once he was completely gone from my vision, did I even consider it was time to leave.  
  
You're not alone, Quatre, I repeated once I had reached the door. I paused there to wipe the condensation from my face before pushing out into the harsh reality that awaited me. You'll see. You're not alone.  
  
+++  
  
It was the day of the trial.  
  
Sixteen year old Quatre Winner, the Winner Enterprises CEO, the richest bachelor in the universe, ex-gundam pilot, and slaughterer of thousands. I had seen all the news, heard all the broadcasters give their opinions, read the headlines and the reports of people who had lost friends and family in the destruction of the colony. And even though some small part of me knew that they were right, I just couldn't bring myself to care.  
  
I was numb for the entire hearing. I could see people moving, hear them talking, but I didn't pay them any heed. During the entire course of the trial my eyes remained glued to the small blonde who sat, chained like an animal, subdued and unmoving, staring intently at the ground.   
  
I didn't even try to make myself listen to what was being said. I knew it was just accusations. One after another accusation being directed at him. And the way his shoulders shook with each testimony, I could tell he was forcing himself to listen to every word. How he could punish himself like this, I could not fathom. Perhaps he thought if he made himself believe every exaggerated story, then he could truly accept what his punishment would be. He knew there would be no easy way out, he knew he deserved this, he knew he had to walk this horrible path.  
  
Alone.  
  
His words from our last meeting a week ago--had it truly been a week since I last laid eyes on him?--came back to me and suddenly my morbid detachment was replaced with an overpowering rage. Yes, he knew his destiny, he understood what was to befall him and what he was powerless to stop. He knew this was a burden he would have to carry alone for the rest of his life. I, however, knew no such things.  
  
The trial was coming to a close. Quatre was made to stand before the judge as his sentence was passed down. I could see it now--perhaps the way Quatre was able to see and accept it before. The judge would say guilty and Quatre, already knowing this, would simply close his eyes as life sentences were heaped upon him. And behind those closed eyelids, the last flame of hope would be extinguished forever.   
  
That was not something I could ever bear to see, let alone happen.  
  
Screams and gasps of fear echoed around me as I lowered the gun I had just fired at the ceiling. People were suddenly in a panic to escape as guards drew their own weapons and court officials took cover. I ignored everything and steadily made my way through the declining masses toward the one person in the room who had yet to move. Empty threats were made at me, I took no notice. And all too soon I was standing in front of my beloved, who had his eyes closed and was trying to control the trembling in his body.  
  
I'm sure the court room was still in a state of mayhem, but once I touched his cheek and he opened his eyes, nothing existed in the room but us. His eyes rested on the gun in my hand before hesitantly meeting my own. The apprehension, the strong adoration, and the overpowering sense of love were almost enough to knock me off my feet. But his gaze also held me to the spot and it was all I could do to will myself to nod slowly to his unspoken question. A relieved smile transformed his face from the gaunt thing it had been to a piece of his old self. The love and admiration were pouring from his eyes in tears of happiness and I slowly kissed each one away. A kiss on each eyelid and another on his forehead as I brushed my fingers through his long silken bangs. I rested my forehead against his and slowly brought the gun up to his temples. There were no need for words now, and yet... I love you, I breathed against his lips. I felt, rather than heard, his reply.   
  
Again there was a long pause.  
  
I love you. And that's why I'm going to set you free. But... His eyes flashed open, not an inch away from my own. The confusion and fear torn into me, but I knew I had to do this. I gently cupped one side of his face while my other hand, the one holding the gun, slipped around to rest the muzzle at the back of my lover's head, pointing it directly at my own. After this, I was quick to finish, to ease his last pain, But I love you too much to let you go alone.  
  
His eyes, so expressive, so deep, so blue. I could feel myself drowning in them even before I pulled the trigger that would set us both free from this reality. And then I was falling, falling into his eyes. Eyes that were so filled with love, love for me. And I knew this was the only place I could ever be.  
  
_I love you, Quatre. And that is why you'll never be alone. Never Alone.  
_  
  
*~*End*~*  
  
  
  
  



End file.
